Stinky and the Sticky Feet

We have a dog, two dogs to be exact. Labrador Retrievers. Best dog in the world. Before we had kids they were our kids. Poor babies. They got shoved down the ladder of our family hierarchy when the two legged kids came along, but we still love them. They still get to come in the house at night time to sleep. The last several days the weather has actually turned colder, so they have even had the opportunity to come inside during the day. They've even been on best behavior, so they have been out of the dining room where they normally stay behind the baby gate. Their names are Gomer (yes, like Gomer Pile) and Diamond (aka Stinky). I don't remember how Diamond got the nickname Stinky, but it just stuck. She is almost 10 years old. These things happen. Anyway, like I said, they have been sleeping in our bedroom. Last night as I was reaching over to turn out my bedside lamp, I heard Diamond walk over to my side of the bed. It was not the soft padding sound that normally occurs when she walks on the carpet. It was more of a schtuck, schtuck, schtuck, schtuck sound. Hmmm...I thought. That sounds kind of weird, so I got out of my warm bed and picked up her funny sounding feet. What the heck is that?????? Something was all over the bottoms of her front feet, something strangely sticky as it had Gomer hair and even a Christmas tinsel remnant stuck to it. Hmmm...she did not look too happy about whatever it was. Then it dawned on me: Breanna found a pack of gum earlier in the day and had been chewing on a big wad of it. The foreign substance on Stinky's feet was strangely reminiscent of a 3-year-old's gum wad. How it got on Stinky's feet, I'll never know.

I took Diamond/Stinky into the living room where Brad was still watching TV for a few minutes. I told him to pause it so Diamond could show him something. She plodded around the coffee table to show him her sticky feet to which Brad replied, "What the heck is that sound????" Breanna's gum wad, obviously. Poor Stinky. She did not want to be laid down in a submissive position to have her little feet poked and prodded, let alone pried apart and the hair trimmed out from in between them. But that is just exactly what had to be done. Imagine someone rubbing a big wad of gum in your armpit hair (or arm hair, if you are not a bohemian woman), and then pulling on it until it came out. Ouch. She closed her sweet, brown, watery, sappy eyes and just laid there. Poor Stinky. I just laughed while Brad trimmed. Sorry, Stinky. It brought to mind some of the crazy misadventures of the book Marley and Me: Life with the world's best and worst dog. (It's coming to theaters this Christmas for you non-readers out there, but I highly recommend reading it.) Marley makes Diamond look like Lassie in comparison. They are the same breed so it is hard to not compare.

I will close this tale by telling you that Diamond did get me back this morning, though. She woke me up at 5 a.m. to tell me she had to go potty and 10 minutes ago, please. We made it outside in time, but I did not appreciate getting out of my really warm bed at 5 a.m...gotta love me, she said, then she laid down in her little fuzzy ball and went right back to sleep.