Bye-bye Ninis

That's it. Done. Finito. Sianara. Good bye. A bittersweet end. I am excited to have my body to myself again. After all, it has been over 6 years now since that has been the case. I am also so so and I keep crying. This morning at 6 a.m., Breanna came into my room to snuggle (a.k.a. to nini).
"Mommy, can my lovey and me sleep with you?" she asked me. Actually, I was awake--not awake-awake, but my eyes were open. If you've ever read most anything by Dr. William Sears, he talks about how mom and baby develop the same sleep pattern. If you sleep with your baby close (ie. in your bed, or close by your bed), you will notice when they are little that you will wake up about 2 seconds (literally) before they do. It's kind of weird until you understand what is happening. Anyway, this morning was one of those times. Breanna had been sleeping all night in her bed, but apparently we are still on the same sleep pattern. So here come Breanna and lovey.
"Yes, you and lovey can come into Mommy's bed, but NO nini because you ninied at bedtime." That's our deal lately. I've been trying to wean her completely, but she has really hung onto those last two nini times. And forget about those if she doesn't feel well; it will jump from 2 times to 20 times during the span of the night. She's just a comfort nurser. Fine. I get that. I cannot throw any stones. I'm sure I have mentioned this before, but I nursed until I was four. Yes, that is 4-years-old. In fact, she told me a couple days ago that she would be done with ninis when she turned 4. I don't know if that was Gram's prompting or if she came up with that on her own. In all reality, that is not far away. Her birthday is in April, but I am ready to be done now. I know some of you reading this will think that I should have weaned her 2 1/2 years ago, but until now, it has worked for our family. I wasn't ready to wean then and neither was she. Back to our story...
"Okay, Mommy. No ninis," as she climbs into bed.
"Just one nini, Mom?" Breanna asks in her sweetest little voice.
"You just agreed to no nini, Breanna," Mommy gently reminds her. Here come the waterworks--loud, boogery, squeaky waterworks. She's a little on the dramatic side. I try to calmly be logical with a 3-year-old at 6:00 a.m. Apparently kids don't go much for the logic when they are emotional (see yesterday's blog). It just escalated to yelling, more crying, more squeaking, Daddy waking up, too...you get the picture. It's not a pretty one. So I take her back into her bed, which she does NOT want to do.
"I'm done. No more. I will let you nini, but it is the LAST time--EVER!"
"Okay, Mommy, but I LIKE ninis." Breanna's crying stops. Mine starts. Sobbing. Boogers. Bawling, really. Breanna ninied *both sides* for the last time. It probably only lasted for 2 minutes at most. Nursing really is a sweet experience. You hold your baby close. Your skin touches your baby's skin. They take nourishment from your body. It is truly an amazing gift that God has given to mothers. It is always the perfect temperature. It is always just exactly what baby needs to satisfy thirst and then hunger. It is always just the right amount. If baby is sick, it is the perfect medicine. You get to smell your baby's head and stroke her hair. She looks up into your eyes because even as a newborn with poor vision, the distance between baby at the breast and mommy's eyes is exactly the right distance to see the love in mommy. Then baby smiles at you and milk runs from the corner of her mouth and it is just the sweetest, most wonderful thing ever. And now all that is over for us. Even in my excitement as I write this, I am getting all weepy again. So what wonderful thing did Breanna say after this monumental nursing session?
"Mommy, does Jesus have a dog?" It's probably not the exact phrase I would have chosen to end this significant time in both of our lives, but it was perfect. It was Breanna's choice, and that's what this has been about. Meeting her needs, so that she can be confident and free to become the sweet, bossy, beautiful angel that she is.